A few of us late forties lads met for breakfast in The Withered Spoon in Oxford at 8.30, we had a tidy little crew all dressed in the latest 'football casual' style (camp Peruvian tin miners) except Awkward Dave who says he's on the traditional English music tip, (don't call it 'folk' he gets uptight) and was dressed in an artist's smock, oversized elephant cords and sandals.
It was kedgeree and bloody Mary's all round except for, yes you guessed it AD who had the smoked salmon with scrambled eggs and a small glass of Blue Nun. We caught the train at 9.37 and were soon cracking open the cans of Orangeboom and Lowenbrau or 'laughing brew' as Not-funny Steve (one of the Chinor/Hadenham Alliance lads) kept calling it Just after Didcot a mass game of charades broke out the highlight being Small hand Paul's mime for Brighton Rock (a book and a film) Some Bath 'egg chasers' got on at Swindon but we didn't give them any trouble just a bit of banter about their Dennis Waterman hair styles and Budgie jackets. Say what you like we ain't bullies.
On arriving in Bristol we were met by several police officers including PC Felix from Oxford who said he was retiring after the Swindon game and to celebrate would be dressing as his namesake (the cartoon black cat) and handing out In the night garden balloons and Level 42 sweat bands. The police suggested that we made our way to one of the city centre pubs so we chose an Irish establishment called Rick O'Shea's. the locals were having a great craic and we were soon joining in their songs and games of lose the thimble and pin the donkeys tail on the barman.
Bondage John (Stadhamton's top lad) launched into his Rod Stewart impression belting out a selection from 1975's highly acclaimed Atlantic Crossing album. and it was as he took on the hugely popular but technically challenging I don't want to talk about it that he heard that there was to be a pitch inspection and the match could be called off. No panic the match officials announced the game would be played and it was time to head to the ground so we said farewell to our Celtish hosts and headed off into the rainy streets.
We hailed a handsome cab and climbed aboard, Awkward Dave electing to sit upfront with the driver as he felt a little queasy after all the mead he had consumed in the pub (he was taking this folk business way to seriously IMO) Dave and the driver spent the journey discussing the relative merits of The Drifters and The Four Tops while flicking Irish peanuts at passers by. Before we knew it we were in the Lively Gloucester Road area of the city. Benny our driver dropped us of and wished us luck, turned out he was a Bristol City lad and to be fair he looked game as fuck in his checked Barbour gilet and yellow sou'wester.
We managed to find a pub where the locals didn't want to assail us, none of us can actually remember it but it must have been jolly good as we stayed there for the whole of the first half arriving at the ground just in time for the second period. It was level pegging at nil, nil as the game restarted and it has to be said the atmosphere was lack lustre to say the least. We launched into the Bucks Fizz number one hit Land of Make Believe seguing neatly into Blondie's new wave/hip hop classic Rapture which sadly did nothing to lift the atmosphere fair play to some of the younger lot from Appleton for joining in though great moves as well fellas, chapeau!
Predictably the game finished goalless and we were straight out of the ground to make the long walk back to the station. We were surrounded by the, ehem 'old bill' who said they were going to escort us back his pissed some of the Marston fellas of as they were attempting to get a mass conga going all the way back and there was no way the law were going to allow it. They did allow us to run through a few of our Morris dancing routines though while we were waiting for the main lot to exit the ground, fair play to them.
After arriving back at the station we boarded our train for the journey home which was livened up by a scuffle between some of our lot and some Swindon based badminton fans and a chance meeting with ex Oxford goalie Paul Brightside (top bloke)
All in all another top day out for The Foam Hand Casuals
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